Sunday, May 07, 2006

David Blaine, sinking fast

So-called "illusionist" David Blaine has been submerged in a tank at Lincoln Center for a week. In the past he's done things like sit in a box suspended over the Thames and been buried alive for days in a glass coffin.

I'd like to see Blaine buried alive -- with his publicist. Can't you just see this weasely little guy from Howard Rubenstein's office frantically scratching at the coffin top? Desperately trying to call 911 from his Blackberry? While I'm at it, let's toss his agent and manager in there, too. A glass coffin can get pretty crowded when your entire entourage is in there with you.

And I wonder how long Mr. Blaine would stay submerged in a tank while being chased by, say, a tiger shark? Now, that I would pay to see.

I mean, who is Blaine kidding? He's an exhibitionist, and the only "illusion" he's casting is that he's out for something more than freakish public notoriety.

The finale of this bit of ersatz Houdini performance art, scheduled for tonight, will be Blaine's attempt to break the world's record for holding one's breath underwater, or what he calls "static apnea." Meanwhile, the audience will be breaking the record for sleep apnea.

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