Thursday, July 27, 2006

Thank God I'm a sucker

Do you suffer from terminal leukemia? Mad cow disease? Schizophrenia? Have you or a family member been injured or killed in an auto or any other kind of accident?

Thank God!

At least, that's the message conveyed by a new publishing company called Thank God I...Enterprises, which aims to publish thematic collections of "Chicken Soup for the Soul"-like inspirational stories.

It sounds innocuous enough...until you get a look at their initial releases:

Thank God My Husband Cheated on Me
Thank God My Parents Beat Me
Thank God I Have A Home Based Business
Thank God I Was Raped
Thank God I Was Incested
[sic]
Thank God I Have A Small Penis
Thank God I'm Suicidal
Thank God I Am Crippled


If you think that's tasteless -- I have a home-based business and was personally offended -- wait until you see what they're offering writers. You see, for the opportunity to "register your stories" -- that is, to reveal to the world your masochistic gratitude for the worst tragedy that has befallen you -- you've got to ante up $399.

Beyond that, the founders strongly encourage taking their "three-month thankfulness course," so that "once you have reached a state of unconditional love & gratitude for WHATEVER it is that you believe is getting in your way, we will then work with you on sharing your personal story with our readers."

Got that, Job? Sure, I destroyed your house and smote your children and gave you leprosy, but ... it's all good! In fact, you should thank me, because all these horrors are stepping stones on the road to self-discovery. And you, Anne Frank -- get over yourself! You want closure, baby.

I'm curious about how they're going to spin such tragedies in a way that convinces their victims that their misfortune is actually a benefit. Thank God I Have a Small Penis ... because this way, it won't get caught in swinging doors! Thank God I Was Incested ... because it brought me closer to my father (although it eroded my aptitude for English grammar). Thank God I'm Suicidal ... because then I won't be around to how just I'm being exploited by...

John Castagnini is a renowned published author, poet, musician, producer, speaker and consultant who has developed tools to help you Live Your Dreams. His books include Seven Secrets to Successful Network Marketing, for which he holds workshops at $499 a head.

Amanda Kroetsch is an accomplished writer, professional actress, classically trained jazz singer, and consultant who is dedicated to helping raise the collective consciousness of the planet. She's also the co-leader of the $400 Sun Soul Solutions Transformation Experience, which involves colon cleansing (a.k.a. royal screwing).

I don't know what manner of village idiot would possibly agree to be shafted by these two New Age Ponzi-schemers, but I did devise a few additional titles for their series:

Thank God the IRS is Auditing Me
Thank God I'm on Death Row
Thank God I Have the Ebola Virus
Thank God My Entire Family Was Ethnically Cleansed
Thank God I Just Fell Into an Open Sewer

9 comments:

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Anonymous said...

I really think , This so called Amanda Kroetsch thinking she is a "writer" EX striper in Japan collecting all kinds of $2000 per person and claiming you going to make royolity per book gets sold

I am a victim of this and I am ashamed .. please report FTC right away we need to stop this people

I think her and John Castagnini is having private affair .. PLEASE report FTC right away

Thank God I ??? my ass !!!

Anonymous said...

AMANDA KROETSCH STILL STRIPS PRIVATELY FOR PEOPLE WHO SIGN UP!
ONCE A STRIPPER FOREVER A HOOKER!
Oh! DID I MENTION SHE HAS FAKE TITS!

Anonymous said...

I LOVE YOUR SITE! PLEASE KEEP IT UP! THANK YOU FOR MAKING US AWARE OF THIS
SCHEMERS! FAKE WRITER AND A STRIPPER.
HOW DARE YOU PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF INNOCENT PEOPLE LIKE US!

Amanda Kroetsch said...

Jim,

This is THE Amanda Kroetsch so ignorantly spoken of above...

We did not receive a phone call from you inquiring about our website/project/vision/resume/credentials and or references, or any other questions a person who is honestly seeking understanding and/or some form of competent journalism would do.

I happen to be one of only 1000 certified practitioners of a cutting-edge methodology known as the "quantum-collapse method" created by Dr. John Demartini. http://www.drdemartini.com

Amanda Kroetsch said...

My method is centered around "The Science Of Gratitude" and has changed lives worldwide.

Our book is now out and I encourage anyone who has read the above hogwash to visit our site and make your own judgement: http://www.thankgodi.com

And as for the other rude comments above by one so clearly ashamed of their own existence that they must remain anonymous...

Get A Life!!!

Mistress said...

It's sad that people blame others for 'doing such and such to them'...um, didn't you sign up for it? Didnt you chose to be a part of? If you feel later that it was ignorant, then it was your OWN ignorance, not the authors!
And I personally know Amanda. Her tits are NOT fake! :)