Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Closed captioning

I feel for the hearing-impaired. Not because of their impairment. (They wouldn't want my pity, anyway.) No, it's because they're not getting a true understanding of their television programs. I happen to watch a lot of hearing-impaired, closed-captioned TV at my gym. (I just gave you the impression that I work out at a special hearing-impaired health club. Not true. The closed-captioning has been activated to prevent what would be a cacophany of TV soundtracks in the cardio room. After all, do you really want to hear "The Apprentice" while you're working out? That's enough to cause a lot of heart rates to rise to the "Please Defibrillate" level. A lot of stationary bike accidents.

I was watching (or more accurately) reading "The Apprentice" at my gym last night. The premise was that two teams of soulless, semi-articulate junior exec-manques had to create an ad campaign for Arby's new "all-natural" chicken sandwich. Only the caption read not "Arby's," but "Arm Yeast." Which was more accurate. So maybe the hearing-impaired are getting the truth, and we of sound ears are being deceived yet again by the MSM.

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