Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The Church of the Left Hook, or Last Priest Standing

I used to be addicted to Diet Coke. Now I’m addicted to regular Coke, which is even worse. You see, Diet Coke is a gateway cola.

A friend just invited me to a Muay Thai boxing match next week. He says he’s into “blood sports.” He has ringside seats for the “bloodsport,” which is being held in the basement of a church. I guess the Catholics are really desperate for funds. They’re renting out God's house for violent, semi-illicit combat. Whatever happened to bingo? What’s next – cockfighting? I can see the sign outside, white lettering on black – “Today’s Sermon: “Turn the other cheek.” Tonight: X-treme Steel Cage Match.”

"Will you all please kneel for the ring announcements..."

How far will they take this?

MONSIGNOR: So, Father Flannery, how was the gate tonight?
PRIEST: Great. The Black Mass really packed ‘em in.

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