Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Mel Gibson, L.A. Sheriff

Staring out from the cover of today's New York Post is a beer-eyed Mel Gibson. The headline "Boozer Loser" fronted the news that the actor had entered a rehab clinic, a week after "spewing anti-Semitic comments and cursing a cop when he was arrested for drunken driving."

The photo was one of several originally taken last week by a rival tabloid, and captured Gibson just hours before his arrest, spotted at a Malibu "celeb-studded restaurant with a babe on each arm and a beer bottle in his right hand."

Poor Mel's tribulations only increased when he launched an obscenity-laden tirade -- kind of a soliloquy, you might say -- against Jews, which included the observation that they "are responsible for all the wars in the world." He then asked the arresting officer, "Are you a Jew?"

Turns out he was. It just wasn't Mel's night.

I can only imagine Gibson's reaction: "No fair -- playing against type. You're supposed to be money lenders and studio heads. What's the matter -- aren't there any Irish left in Malibu?"

And then, I'll bet he addressed a higher power. "Lord, they're persecuting me just like they did You. This is my Golgotha, only instead of a cross and a crown of thorns, I've got a case of Foster's and a couple of underage blonde bimbos."

Then there were the stories about how the incident has damaged his career. The New York Times reported yesterday that a spokeswoman for Disney’s ABC television network said the company was canning a Holocaust-themed miniseries it had planned with Gibson. "Given that the script Mr. Gibson handed in depicted the Jews as the bad guys, we have decided to no longer pursue this project."

Of course, Gibson could've avoided the whole brouhaha if he'd only taken the advice of the nightclub's employees. They offered to call him a cab, but he insisted, "I want a chariot!"

One detail in the Post story stood out:

Gibson once filmed a public service announcement for the L.A. Sheriff's Department, dressed in a sheriff's uniform.

After much undercover work, Gangof60 has acquired the transcript of the P.S.A., which we offer for your edification:

The Jew Menace

Hi, I'm Mel Gibson -- the new sheriff in town. I'm speaking to you tonight to warn you against a hidden menace. An enemy whose greed and cunning is subtly eroding our society. That's right: the Jews. You may think that Jews are solid citizens and make great contributions to our financial system, the arts, and culture. You may even know some Jews yourself. But here are some other things I'll bet you didn't know about Jews:

*The Jews are responsible for all the wars that have ever happened, including the Civil War and that war among the ancient Mayans that I have depicted in my new, all-ancient Mayan dialect film, Apocalypto.

*The Jews are responsible for all economic depressions. Plus, they have gamed Mega Millions.

*The Jews are responsible for Ren and Stimpy.

*The Jews are responsible for all broken marriages, including my own.

*The Jews are responsible for my drinking problem.

*The f---g Jews are f---g responsible for everything bad about America.

If you want to know how the Jews are responsible for your broken marriage, your lack of a job and/or your drinking/drug/sex addiction, please call 1-800-SCAPGOAT.

Thank you.

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