Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Cyber-mating, part 5: Curse of the Cat People

Today a woman on the dating site "winked" at me. A "wink" is a wordless overture from a member who is interested in you but too cheap to spend a buck or two that it costs to send an email message. Her user name is "babylambtbone."

This is how she filled out the last three sections of her profile:

Five items I can't live without

coffee, naps with my cat, something to read, positive reinforcement, chocolate raspberry rolled scones from the read

In my bedroom one will find...

me and my cat taking a nap or reading a book or the newspaper the cat doesnt really read tho

Why You Should Get to Know Me

i like real dates im old fashioned but i like loud music and im pretty noisy sometimes i love my cat i like quiet too sometimes i dont really take myself very seriously i like to take naps and stay up late

This woman is 43 years old, can neither spell nor punctuate, and from this evidence -- "i like loud music and im pretty noisy" -- has the sing-song syntax, unmediated mind and cultural predilections of a IM-mad ten-year-old. She describes her occupation as “yoga teacher/waiter” and spends far too much time in bed with her cat. She's the Collyer Brothers’ younger sister.

And it's a good thing that the cat can't read. He'd be appalled.

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