Cyber-mating, part 2: Love me, love my hula hoop

From the FastCupid.com profile of “Have hula hoop, will travel.”

Call me crazy, but I like everything to be fun. I'm a playful, light-hearted, upbeat, spontaneous world traveler. Watch out what you suggest to me, or you might suddenly find yourself on a plane to Bali to surf with the dolfins. One of my favorite things to do is to sink into a new culture - the music, the food, the spirit – but there will always be a yoga mat and a hula hoop with me to make me feel at home. ... I manage to find adventures where ever I go, and not just in my own mind. It could be out in the world, and even at home - like a night of cooking, painting and hula hooping and whatever else it all leads to.

Most people don't know this, but if you're not careful, hula hooping can lead to more serious stuff, like yo-yo's or invisible dogs. Hula hoops are a gateway toy.

I also like her dare, "Watch out what you say to me, or you might suddenly find yourself on a plane to Bali to swim with the dolfins." {SIC} What's she proposing here -- extraordinary rendition? Is she part of a secret CIA plot that employs 1950s children's fads to entrap evildoers? "You'd better talk -- or we'll send in the Slinkys." And does "swim with the dolfins" the New Age version of the old Mafia threat?

In the section "More About What I Am Looking For," she writes:

Playful, fun-loving and adventurous.
A fearless traveler.
Sincere, creative, willing to create with me.
A doer – TV addicts need not apply.
Someone who is patient; you'll need to wait for my hula hoop at baggage claim wherever we go.

Yes, because the Homeland Security people know that the terrorists try to smuggle in dirty bombs in hula hoops. And Al-Qaeda operatives have been known to break out in public demonstrations of hula-hooping as a distraction while one of their guys sets off an IED.

To be this woman's man, one must worship the hula hoop, must endure traveling with a woman dragging her collection of oversize plastic rings through security checks and trying to stuff them in the overhead compartment, just so she can "feel at home." I wonder what "home" is. A traveling circus?

Here's a truly frightening thought: Does she bring it to bed with her? Talk about a woman making you jump through hoops...