Ingredients

I bought a package of caramelized walnuts from Balducci's. The ingredients listed were "walnuts, sugar, honey." Then in capital letters were printed the words "CONTAINS WALNUT."

It's as if they had to reassure you that the food you just bought is exactly what it purports to be.

And it got me thinking...Humans should come with their own ingredients list. A label on their clothing. For one thing, it would make dating much easier and allow you to completely bypass potential sociopaths (which comprise at least 75 percent of the population of Manhattan).

For example, you see an attractive woman at a party and start a conversation. She seems interested -- she's curious and enthusiastic about your work, she touches your arm frequently, smiles constantly and laughs at your jokes. Then you lean in (or perhaps turn her over) to read her label: "Ingredients: self-involvement, egocentrism, superficiality, materialistic bent, insensitivity, erratic personality. May contain nut."